This is a post I never thought I’d have to write because I always assumed I’d keep the weight off forever and live my amazing dream life as a healthy, thin person for the rest of my life. I really thought overall that I had “arrived” and would not struggle with my weight again.
Those that have kept up with my story know that I started gaining weight as soon as the show had ended, and I was very open with that. Slowly, though, the weight started coming back on. I sort of ignored it at first then slipped into the “who cares” mindset that has plagued me in the past.
It’s as if a part of me that was turned off turns on again and takes over. This is what I usually think of as the “addiction Mike”. Now, I find myself at a crossroads. I am ready to get back in shape again and have recently lost some weight but I can feel myself slipping again into old habits.
This, of course, is not what I want. Because I know I’m not the only person who struggles with this (I just happened to be on a TV show which brought with it some extra strings) I figured it’s time I share more of my story and journey with those who would care to read.
I want to stress one thing that is important to me, however. And this is geared more at me probably then any of you reading this. Just because I have gained back a lot of my weight, it doesn’t take away from who I am. I am a successful business owner, husband, son, friend, and musician. Ok, just kidding, I’m not a musician, I just wish I was lol.
But in all seriousness, I seem to look at my current weight on a scale and define myself as a failure. The emotional part of me does feel like a failure, but the logical part of me says that I have succeeded in so many other things that I can’t be a total failure.
Did I fail in this one area of my life? Yes, and for that I am responsible. But I don’t want to continue to beat myself up and think that failing in one area makes me a failure in all areas. If you’ve ever dealt with that struggle I would love to hear your comments and thoughts below.
A Look At The Numbers
This part has been really hard for me. It’s so easy to say, “I gained back some weight” or “I’m not where I want to be right now”. What’s hard is to put a number on it, claim it, own it, and more importantly own up to it.
So, here it goes. As of today I weight 474 pounds. Yikes, hard to type that out, honestly. Right now I’m feeling equal parts embarrassed and angry. I never wanted to return to this point again, but here I am. If there’s any “good” part of this, it’s that I did not get back up to my highest weight of all time… 540 pounds.
So, maybe I can say I’ve already lost 66 pounds? 😉
Truthfully, I’m not sharing my weight because I feel like you need to know or that it truly even matters. I’m sharing it to begin the healing process. There’s a lot of psychological stuff that goes on with me, and I would assume with other people who struggle with their weight. It’s never just about the food. For me, hiding my weight is a coping mechanism, a way I hide the reality of my situation.
Looking Forward
I’ve started weekly therapy sessions to really get at the root cause of my emotional overeating. I am working everyday to be more open with myself and with others about my struggles. (That’s why you’re reading this now). I am not seeking sympathy or empathy… but rather fellow humans who are going through or have been where I’m at.
I still have a ton of goals and (God Willing) a lot of life left to live. I want to spend it loving my wife with all I have, achieving my dreams, helping others, serving God, and being healthy. I will share what I think will help others and also what will help me as I continue on this journey.
If you are looking for a guy to lose 255 pounds in a year, sorry, but that won’t happen again. I have learned a lot since then and this time I’ll be moving at a steady, slow pace. I’ll be working out (but not 5 hours a day). I’ll share what’s working and what isn’t.
I am excited about looking forward and accomplishing my dreams.
I’ll end this post (and others I hope) with a quote that I find or make up myself. I’ll start with one of my oldest quotes… because it really seems to fit.
The Mansion Of Success Is Built Upon A Foundation Of Failure – Michael Giannulis
Good luck on your journey, Mike!
Mike,
I am sooo glad to see you are back! You know since that time my family and I have seen you we were all going to lose at least 100 lbs each..Yeah..Never happened. We have been off and on that merry-go-round at least 50 times since then. Well this week actually we said we have got to do it!!! I was so happy to see you have made that decision yourself! Best to you and Rebecca!! Looking forward to seeing more of your posts..
Mike, Thank you for sharing – it is hard to honest about the weight gain – once again. I have just faced mine the past few weeks. I am starting again too – mine was not near as much as you, but I put the whole enchilada back on. The self doubt, anguish and hurt are all still the same. You are not alone, and thank you for sharing.
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling but like me I know you will never give up. Yesterday I had my second bariatric surgery so I want you to know you have plenty of company in this struggle. I am praying for you and for myself. WE must conquer this because we are worth it.
Mike, it is great to hear from you again. You were one of my first mentors online and I will always appreciate that. Dig deep and keep taking that hard look at yourself.
I know you are a fantastic guy and it will just be a bit of tweaking and you will be who you want to be, in all ways not just some.
Thanks for sharing your truth and keep up the good work.
Mike,
You can do it. Don’t ever give up! I look forward to seeing your progress!
Mike, I admire your courage in coming clean. It’s a constant struggle, isn’t it? I know it is for me. I congratulate you in your determination not to beat yourself up for gaining back the weight you have and your commitment to get your weight and your health to where you want it. I’ve lost 80 lbs. over the course of several years and and will be losing another 70, so I know a little of what it is you struggle with. Very best of luck – you can do it!
Well its a start honesty will set you free. You did it once you can do it again. Wishing you well
Mike, I admire your honesty! I’ve been on my weight loss journey pretty much all my life. Happy to see honest discussions out here, wishing you much success!!!
you have never been less of a failure, and more of a success, than in this moment. Confession always sets us free! The weight is already coming off. “I have the right to do anything”- you say- but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”- but I will not be mastered by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12)
God will set you free from this thing that masters you. It’s his joy to do so. It’s what He lives for. I see it all the time. Praying for you, my brother.
Hey Buddy… we are rooting for you.
Some inspiration to help:)
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=686862814709307&fref=nf
Hi Mike, I found your blog after watching the show on TV today. From the very first minute in the show I knew you were one of those that make it, it was just so obvious in your eyes that inside you are healthier than you think. So, I absolutely know, I am 100% sure that you will be healthy again in the outside because your heart is healthy in the inside. I wish you could write to my email to let me know how you are doing. I lost last year 50 pounds, I have other 50 to go still. I have been stuck in my current weight for 4 months, but I am taking matters into my hands again. One thing you said that helped me too was: “I did this to myself (my overweight) I can too make my body lose it”. So true and wonderful. May God bless you. I prayed for you and will continue until hearing from you. Pray for me too if you can. Our fight is in our souls. It is not the body, it’s the soul. And God is the only one that can fix that one for us. God bless you, Fabiola.
All the best in your journey
I’m actually watching you on “Obese: A Year to Save My Life” tonight here in Germany on a UK satellite feed. I’m an American working here and I have been trying to find the motivation to lose (only) 25 lbs which now seems so little. You have given me the inspiration and motivation to do this to be healthier. I’m older (56) and a diabetic which is why these 25 lbs are so important. Thank you for being so honest and for posting this blog. God bless you as you continue your journey.
Hey Mike,
We all are given different trials in this life and I know they can be a blessing when we rely on God to help us through them. I’m on the weight gain roller coaster as well to lesser extent. I agree 100% that it does not and should not define you. It’s just a trial man! We all go through stuff, this is your stuff. I can tell you’re a good guy and your heart is in the right place. I too am rooting for you.
Makeli @makscho