This is a post I never thought I’d have to write because I always assumed I’d keep the weight off forever and live my amazing dream life as a healthy, thin person for the rest of my life. I really thought overall that I had “arrived” and would not struggle with my weight again.
Those that have kept up with my story know that I started gaining weight as soon as the show had ended, and I was very open with that. Slowly, though, the weight started coming back on. I sort of ignored it at first then slipped into the “who cares” mindset that has plagued me in the past.
It’s as if a part of me that was turned off turns on again and takes over. This is what I usually think of as the “addiction Mike”. Now, I find myself at a crossroads. I am ready to get back in shape again and have recently lost some weight but I can feel myself slipping again into old habits.
This, of course, is not what I want. Because I know I’m not the only person who struggles with this (I just happened to be on a TV show which brought with it some extra strings) I figured it’s time I share more of my story and journey with those who would care to read.
I want to stress one thing that is important to me, however. And this is geared more at me probably then any of you reading this. Just because I have gained back a lot of my weight, it doesn’t take away from who I am. I am a successful business owner, husband, son, friend, and musician. Ok, just kidding, I’m not a musician, I just wish I was lol.
But in all seriousness, I seem to look at my current weight on a scale and define myself as a failure. The emotional part of me does feel like a failure, but the logical part of me says that I have succeeded in so many other things that I can’t be a total failure.
Did I fail in this one area of my life? Yes, and for that I am responsible. But I don’t want to continue to beat myself up and think that failing in one area makes me a failure in all areas. If you’ve ever dealt with that struggle I would love to hear your comments and thoughts below.
A Look At The Numbers
This part has been really hard for me. It’s so easy to say, “I gained back some weight” or “I’m not where I want to be right now”. What’s hard is to put a number on it, claim it, own it, and more importantly own up to it.
So, here it goes. As of today I weight 474 pounds. Yikes, hard to type that out, honestly. Right now I’m feeling equal parts embarrassed and angry. I never wanted to return to this point again, but here I am. If there’s any “good” part of this, it’s that I did not get back up to my highest weight of all time… 540 pounds.
So, maybe I can say I’ve already lost 66 pounds? 😉
Truthfully, I’m not sharing my weight because I feel like you need to know or that it truly even matters. I’m sharing it to begin the healing process. There’s a lot of psychological stuff that goes on with me, and I would assume with other people who struggle with their weight. It’s never just about the food. For me, hiding my weight is a coping mechanism, a way I hide the reality of my situation.
I’ve started weekly therapy sessions to really get at the root cause of my emotional overeating. I am working everyday to be more open with myself and with others about my struggles. (That’s why you’re reading this now). I am not seeking sympathy or empathy… but rather fellow humans who are going through or have been where I’m at.
I still have a ton of goals and (God Willing) a lot of life left to live. I want to spend it loving my wife with all I have, achieving my dreams, helping others, serving God, and being healthy. I will share what I think will help others and also what will help me as I continue on this journey.
If you are looking for a guy to lose 255 pounds in a year, sorry, but that won’t happen again. I have learned a lot since then and this time I’ll be moving at a steady, slow pace. I’ll be working out (but not 5 hours a day). I’ll share what’s working and what isn’t.
I am excited about looking forward and accomplishing my dreams.
I’ll end this post (and others I hope) with a quote that I find or make up myself. I’ll start with one of my oldest quotes… because it really seems to fit.
The Mansion Of Success Is Built Upon A Foundation Of Failure – Michael Giannulis