Happy Independence Day! It’s 2013!!

It’s amazing to me how fast a year can go when you take a moment to look back at it. Exactly 1 year and two days ago, my episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition aired on ABC. My Facebook was slammed with friend requests, messages, comments, and a whole lot of excitement.

I poured my heart out on this blog, sharing my struggles, my demons, my issues… all the things that really were eating away at me from the inside. I got to be interviewed on the radio in my local market and just experience a lot of really cool stuff that most people don’t get to.

And I have to say, it was all amazing. I did things I never thought I could do, both on the show and after.

It was exactly a year ago today I took the most beautiful girl in the world on a date with me to see a fireworks show. That night, we held hands and watched an amazing fireworks display in Clearwater, Florida while an orchestra played amazing music. It’s one of my favorite memories. A week after that, Rebecca and I became a couple, officially. So, next week we’ll be celebrating our 1 year anniversary.

I started a new internet business that has taken off and done quite well. It’s had lots of ups and downs, but we are making great progress and this should be our best year yet.

But, with the good comes the bad. And this is the hardest part for me to write. I’ve again succumbed to my food addiction. I guess they call it a relapse. I was doing so good, but I believe I let myself think I was the one responsible for my success. I slowly began to rely on my own strength. The weight has crept back up and I am NOT happy about it, of course.

I’ve got a journey ahead of me still, and nothing pains me more than realizing that I have to climb my way back out of a hole. But, if anyone can do it, it’s me. I’ve continued to struggle with this issue for so long now, there are times where it gets really hard. Really discouraging. I know the problem though, and it’s that I turned towards myself instead of continuing on the path I was on.

As I read over my posts from last year, I see it so clear. I can’t believe I let myself return to some of my old habits.

There is good news though! I am not close to my old high weight… and I do a much better job of at least controlling myself sometimes. But, it’s not where I want to be and it definitely doesn’t make me feel good. I think in the past I was always so focused on wanting to help others, inspire others, be there for others… that I ended up not really focusing on me.

My whole year on the show, I felt like I was doing it because I thought it would be good for other people to see it. The only time I really felt like I was my true self was last year when I was 100% food sober. And that’s what I need to get back to. I am coming out clean with all this because I would love your support and your help as I get back on track.

I love this day so much because it’s all about independence. It’s all about being free. And this year, again, I want to stake my claim of independence. I want to push myself back to where I know I can be. And I would invite you to join me.

I’m not naive enough to believe I’m the only one struggling with weight and food. I share my ups and downs because I want to be more honest about the journey. It’s easy to jump up and shout the victories. What’s difficult is asking for help and support when you need it most.

So, if you’re reading this, please feel free to let me know where you’re at right now on your journey. This is a judgement free zone, there are no stones here.

I am encouraged by the fact that I did inspire so many people with my show. I know it’s weird because I’m not at that same weight. But it does feel good to get the messages and the comments from people who saw what I was able to accomplish.

I know there are people who took what I did and used it as inspiration to accomplish their own goals. And for that, I am forever grateful I was able to be a part of that. My journey continues. I’m starting counseling to really dig deep and focus on my issues and addiction to food.

Nobody said it was going to be easy. But, I must continue pressing on and hopefully along the way I’ll find some information to share with you.

Thank you for reading this post and Happy Independence Day. Let’s remember that today is about freedom. Freedom to do what we want and freedom from the things that hold us back.

 

 

 

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